the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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