Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
