Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
