he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
