I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
