Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
