my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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