i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
