who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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