Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
