I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
