You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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