i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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