Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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