his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
