I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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