if i can run in heels then i can drive
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The air was thick with penises
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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