blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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