he puts the penis in happiness.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
