If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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