Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
