So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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