The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
