I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
