I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
