Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
