well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
