I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
