i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
