well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How external is "for external use only"?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
