at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
