quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
