Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
