It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
