Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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