You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
