yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
