if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
