my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my being single is dangerous.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
