I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
