I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Terrible idea I love it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
