I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
