Cold hands, warm shart.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
