I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
