Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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