Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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