pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
