there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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