drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
