Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
