Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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