I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
